Bottled Tears

The Lot is Good

2012-02-07T20:19:00.001-05:00

The plane has been a “sanctuary in the sky” to me for years as I jet set coast to coast. On this jaunt to LA I was moved to praise God for the “lot” He has granted me. Numbers 33 is a chronicled journey from Egypt to Cannan. As I thumbed the pages, it quickly mimicked that of my own from bondage to freedom and prison doldrums to promise dwelling. Just as the people of God stopped along the way so have I. There have been and are still camps of celebration, frustration, emptiness, and fullness but all the while the Cloud and Fire leads onward to the envisioned lot of His choosing. He has a promised land ahead indeed! The first 49 verses documented 43 places of campground before they entered the land of promise. Whew, that is a lot of stop and go! However after they would cross the Jordan and before they could enjoy the Land given them, God gave clear inheritance instructions. Paraphrased, DRIVE OUT all the previous inhabitants, DESTROY every riva to Mel, and DEMOLISH any elevation besides My Name. Then TAKE POSSESION of all I have for you and live in it animated! Receive your chosen lot with contentment not comparison. Look not to other’s plots of land with wishful eye because I am the One who drew the lines. Green pastures are where you are period. But if you do not do the 3 D’s then anything or anyone left behind will become an irritant, distraction, and competitor in your eye, keeping you from noticing and embracing the Promise I have in store for you. Num 33:54 Psalm 37:3 is encouragement to dwell in the land divinely granted, fully satisfied and faithful. Ps 16:5-6 says that our inheritance is lovely for He in fact is the portion. The lines of our lot have fallen in pleasant places. Do I, you, really believe that? On the plane with tears of gratitude and the glare of sunshine, I thanked Him for my entire lot; The broad blessings, ended relationships, deep pain, lavish experiences, lone moments, and unfinished prayers. With all that in view, I thanked Him for driving out what preceded and asked Him for enablement to relish the present and promised lot. Obey. Enter. Enjoy. Celebrate. Anticipate.“you will bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you.” Deut 8:10

Lavishment

2012-02-03T14:38:00.000-05:00

II Tim 6:17 is an incredible reality to tap into! It says that God has freely given us all things to Enjoy! ALL THINGS. Here in the beautiful climate of LA that rings so true in my heart. I prayed on my flight here that I would see, notice, and acknowledge God in ALL THINGS. He has literally touched every aspect of this trip thus far! His specific dealings with me in "Sarah style", His truth popping off the pages of Scripture, His creativity and flavors in the food we enjoy here, His presence in each laugh or conversation had, His kindness in little unexpected gifts... I mean the list can go on. He is in ALL THINGS and has freely given them to ENJOY. What an extravagant Father we have! The One who gives every good and perfect gift from above with whom there is no variation of turning or dark shadows. He is altogether lavishing....

I see You Lord in ALL THINGS... continue to keep the eyes of my heart wide open with 20/20 vision.

Home Away from Home

2011-11-09T17:23:00.000-05:00

From far east coast beaches to now the west coast, my schedule continues to remain full! I enjoy living life abundantly and am so blessed to do life with incredible people all over. It is a home away from home here. I love the lavish simplicities of our lifestyle here in LA. We have so much conversation, coffee, and community gatherings. This week we are doing a deep body detox, trying to enter the holidays on the leaner side! I loved eating my lentils, persian cucumbers and edamame mash for lunch today alongside of green white tea. I had a morning that enabled me to get an hour massage that was fantastic. So many toxins and build ups released!

I meet amazing people every time I come, hence my community out here is gaining in size! God orchestrates my steps and schedules in a way that blows my mind. Through these Godly new friends I found myself at a Beverly Hills salon/spa having health food and sharing Jesus stories on the white couch while facials were being had then at Models for Christ last night where there was an immediate knitting of hearts with many. There are fundraisers, banquets, coffee appointments, and play dates all still ahead as we enjoy John 10:10.

This little yellow cottage in which I stay truly is my home away from home. Hugs and Kisses still for Atlanta though! Grateful to the Lord for life and life abundantly.

Charleston

2011-11-09T16:58:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful time in Charleston celebrating yet another beautiful bride. The way that God fashions fits for individual women and men leaves me to glorify Him even more! Laurie and Caleb have a God written story for all to enjoy and rejoice over this spring.

The maid of honor secured a gorgeous Charleston home on the beach for all 10 of us! It was stunning and so affordable, praise Jesus for deals. We set the table and enjoyed great homemade yummies including "you wont be single for long" basil pasta and chocolate brownies. Then off to the city for She crab soup, King Street, Cupcakes, and market shopping. We laughed and almost skipped on the brick streets in the perfect weather, all in black with the bride in white of course.

I was asked to share some thoughts of Scripture to the bride from the shoreline at the beach. It was truly a stunning morning filled with an occasional sand storm thanks to the wind gusts but it was perfect. I studied under the sunrise that morning praying He would convey what His heart wanted to communicate. It was so clear what He said and where He led me through my journey in the Word.

With coffee in hands and coats on bodies we opened with John 21, Jesus sweetly making his loved ones breakfast on the beach at "daybreak". Oh how many times Christ has made Himself visible and provided my needs in the center of my "day-breaks", not just at the sunrise horizon but when the day breaks in half just the same. He is so visible to those who want to see Him! It was a divine lead in to Proverbs 31 where we went verse by verse. God relayed some truths I had never seen until that morning. There is a definition not only of a Godly women hidden in Christ but of a Godly man-king as well. Never had I paid much attention to the first 9 verses but you cannot have the impact of the woman in the following 10-31 if you do not have the man listed in the first section. Truly a testament to Caleb and Laurie as two God centered Christ filled people! Proverbs 31 is not a standard or a measuring gage for how Godliness should be done by a woman, but more than that it is a picture, posture of who we already are IN Christ! He is all that in and through us. What hope, joy, and freedom this affords to the reader! A proverbs 31 recording will be posted at www.establishher.org soon...

We concluded our weekend with road trip goodies, well dont know if you can consider Pringles, candy and oreos as goodies, but they were good for that moment. We all laughed in agreement that this week deserves a very strict body detox diet! Ha! Thanks to sermon messages and great company our 6 hour drive was effortless and safe. God is good to give us celebrations, community, and Charleston!!

Look Up

2011-08-17T14:01:00.002-04:00

As the sun baked me brown on blue and white speckled chairs, my eyes were drawn upward. Living it up in Tampa laying out at the yacht club, the Lord spoke to me a sweet word: look up and watch for Me!

The pool was quite empty with only a few south Tampa socialites creating ripples and conversations in the shallow end, when it happened. A huge, I mean gigantic, air force plane passed over heads so low i could almost grab a seat, it seemed. It's sound reverberated through the sky as it made it's entrance into the tree line behind me. All I could do was look up in awe with mouth dropped. Simply incredible! But even more incredible, the size 2 women in gucci glasses never raised there head or batted an eye, much less looked up! One of two reasons potentially: they were engrossed in something more inspiring than a thousand plus pound machine turning mid flight right above their heads or it just had become utterly common to them- unworthy of a glance. Either way, I was shocked due to the activity above and below. Nothing wrong with gucci, being fit, or having a good convo but Something else is worth our attention! Look upward!

Are we too engrossed into life down here that we merely don't look up? God is actively present in the gorgeous blues and exponentially greater than Air Force One. He intersects our world all the time, do u notice it? What is so gripping down below that all above has become un-stimulatingly common? Has The Uncommon One creeped into the normal category by His creation? Oh how sad if this true.

To live looking up, fully aware of all the awe in Life is better than to live in shallow conversations with heads never lifting above their horizontal plane. Colossians says to set our minds eye on things above not on the earthly trinkets that glitter to grab our attention. He says that because He knows what will be missed by those who don't look up.

My afternoon at the pool was commenced, not with a 15 min old grilled cheese and talks in the shallows, but with a double jet stream pair of F16s screaming through the air I was breathing... Oh what I would have missed without the "look up"!

I will not be satisfied with missing what is higher and far better. Let's look up today for He is passing over and playing in the skies!

An Outfit this morning

2011-08-03T09:46:00.000-04:00

II Kings 22: 14-20

The Bible just pops off the page sometimes. It did this morning as I sat overlooking the lake with coffee near and music on. It is like the veil between this life and that one is breached for a moment as the sounds ring, the trees sway, and the Word moves in power. It is a sweet powerful living book that stuns me with phrases, people, and predictions. It takes me out of this life and into the One that I was born to know fully. This morning I read of a woman I did not know previously. The scripture teems inside with new nuggets and characters just like this lake teems with so much underneath. As this earthly wind blows over me it is a picture of His breath through the Word blowing into me.

Huldah was her name. She was a prophetess and a wife. Powerful combination! Even more is that she was the wife of, believe it or not, the “wardrobe keeper for the king”. Seriously!? She was married to a man who had the eye for fashion over the royalty of the kingdom. Oh for that title in the line up of “king’s men”. Not only was she probably dressed to the nines with a keen eye but also that of a keen heart. She was a prophetess of God. Separated and sold out to the King of Israel! Men sought her out to hear her impression not her opinions. An impression is so different than an opinion. Often we all give opinions but rarely do we offer impressions. One who kneels before the Lord is given a keen sense of His opinion into the situation. As we lean into Christ, an impression can be His opinion into the situation. His opinion is all I want to hear and follow.

God had given a harsh dictation to the people of Judah in this passage and some had hardened their hearts because of it. Has God ever spoken a harsh word, direction, or truth to you? Oh He has to me, many a time. What posture does our heart turn to when the King speaks this way? Do we forsake and fret or do we believe and lean in still?

Some of the men as listed in the passage turned their hearts away from the Lord and provoked Him even more. Others were in the habit of bowing low with tender hearts to the God of “harsh words”. Though the word spoken was hard to palate they had nowhere else to turn but into the One who spoke. The one who fell into the Lord after this word was the king of Judah by sending these men out to listen to Huldah, the woman of God. Oh to be such a leader when a harsh direction or prediction of God is made that I look up and into Him regardless!

She told them that because they had turned towards the Lord with a tender humbled heart that He would truly hear them. What a thought? God truly hears and moves when we are broken and contrite with tenderness before Him. Lord, when You say something harsh, let me still, in humility, turn my heart towards you with tenderness just like they did. You ride in on the desperate cries of your people Lord! Awesome promise and posture. That is the best wardrobe to wear, a desperate bent heart towards the Living Lord Jesus.

All things Comfort

2011-07-26T16:51:00.001-04:00

I just love days where the sun is finally out and the rain has past. I strolled through Whole Foods today searching for ingredients to make homemade bread and a surge of gratitude rushed through me. I was so comforted at God's provision in every way. He provides taste, touch, sight, smell, and emotion to add to the little comforts in life. Overwhelmed by the evidences of His reality and goodness that I had to write. So cheers to ALL things comfort... in my mind!

Partly opened and tasted foods on the way home from the grocery store
Aprons, the old fashioned full body kind
Fresh baked whole wheat millet bread ( my cousins recipe- thanks Lela)
Flour all over a kitchen island
Iced Water that has the outer mist covering the cool glass
Hot summer days at the pool
Think Thin creamy peanut protein bars
Seeds of all sorts, just the mini ones
Sun drops M&M's ( the healthy version with no food coloring)
Hannah and Mercy Girl, especially out of the bath all clean
House guests that are family
Big momma ott breakfasts
fruit salad with poppy seeds all throughout
air conditioning that is frigid
fogged sunglasses going from in to outside
Beach trips ( any travel to anywhere really)
Juice Plus houseboat dinners
colorful food on white plates
Ovaltine
Hot tea with a dainty cup
Establish Her story nights around the fire ( or with blankets in the Ott house during summer cause it is a meat locker in my parents house)
My cream of asparagus and carrot soup with a dab of sour cream
Rao's pasta sauce and rotini
the red and white toile chair with a cozy folded blanket over the backside
perfectly ripened bananas
frozen HUGE red grapes
clear nail polish freshly applied
Vacuuming the house to music
the smell of brownies baking
Grains
VITAmix blender
a made bed with more pillows than space allotted
a bowl of almonds on a coffee table
wooden jewelry
the smell of Fresh Basil spray
Sea salt
pita chips and hummus that has just been opened
Kroger's cottage cheese with organic pears
Cousins weekend in North Carolina at the lakehouse

Life is good with all things comfort.

Connections

2011-07-13T15:24:00.000-04:00

Jesus leaves me amazed at His network of connections, conversations, and circumstances that all culminate in a divine cup of coffee. Only He can order and direct miracles such as these. My life is full of such moments and I ask for more. In these times I sense His love, presence, and intimate involvement so deeply. Today was one of those "cups of joy". It was delightful to glean wisdom, share the person of Christ, and laugh over the goodness of Life with a seasoned woman. A woman who is dear friends with my Dearest friend. A woman who knows and bleeds the ministry of Jesus not the ministry for people. Big difference. Oh I just loved this mid-day mid-week mid-ministry mid-tear moment shared with Christ through her. The world, especially Atlanta, is so small and God is entirely larger than all. His connections are endless, His circumvention is unfathomable, and His conversational skills are sweet. I love Him with all my heart! Thank you for today Jesus and reminding me of what being connected to You really resembles.

In the Flow

2011-06-26T22:07:00.000-04:00

Oh how the heart can be empty but quickly sit as full when Jesus is factored into the scenario! Worship, hearing the Word through my Pastor, and simply positioning myself in the receiving mode was healing tonight. "It is a fire shut up in my bones and indeed I am weary of holding it in"... so I must share with you the sweet refreshments He gave tonight. The topic was John 2, the wedding miracle. I wanted to roll my eyes but they were too full of tears to move. Wedding?! Really Lord... the thorn in my side that causes so much pain as of late, that is our topic tonight? Immediately following my unbridled honesty before Him, I asked that He would soften and tune.

That, He did. John 2 nuggets that pacified so much of me tonight:

Jesus is in the flow of my life and my tears. Just as the wine flowed, the water, then back to wine again- so Jesus is in tune with the flow of my events. He knows my details... He knows when I am empty and lacking. He knows when I am full and spilling out. He is not in a corner, but in the flow! Praise God! As Louie said there is no dividing line between secular and sacred when Jesus is in the scenario. He not only is in the flow, but He creates it. He knew when the wine would run out and He knew the wine He had waiting to pour out.

It is never too late with Jesus. He waits purposefully and intentionally to bring out the best, last. He shows up with the greatest at the latest. Oh to know and love a God that does waste He good wine first, but deliberating pauses to enjoy the good wine not any earlier than "until now". His timing is higher, deeper, and beyond explanation- but He always keeps His time. He is never late, not even concerning the matters of what seems to be expired. Nothing expires when He is keeping the time.

When Jesus is in the equation there is always the possibility and probability of a miracle! Is anything too hard for the Lord? He spent the better part of the OT declaring that through faithfulness and promises and actions. Declare it again O Lord to this little girl. Nothing is too hard for Me, He says. Nothing. Especially nothing in your world, Sarah, that I created and ordained each day of anyway. A miracle, that is what I want and need. A miracle that seems ever waited for and barely hanging on by a thread... a miracle of Your divine intervention into my heart, love story, circumstances, etc.

"Whatever your story is right now- it is not finished! He can pull out the unthinkable at the impeccable time. Do not lose Hope!"

There is always a plan in motion. Jesus knew the wine would run out. He always has a plan in motion not the need for a Plan B to fix what did not work. His plans are unfolding not unraveling- they are always right, always better, and always clear ( hind's sight). You will see something that will blow your mind- but we need eyes to see it in the place of gap between now and then. while I am down on my knees fervently praying for the desires of my heart and the heart of my desires, Jesus sees it " on the desk"! He already sees the answer, the moment, the man, the talk, the day, the end, etc... He sees it while I am pleading for it. God is on the case and has been since before I was even interceding! What a thought. He is parting the waters and pulling out miracles all the time... But He puts us, especially me, through the fire because He wants me to CLING to Him even if/when the "miracle" does not come in the way or day I thought. Cling tighter! Cling to Me, He says!

Because the greatest Miracle has already happened! RESURRECTION! He was not only providing wine for a party but His mind was on providing His death for my life. It was all a picture of the great miracle He was, not just miracles He did! All my prayers will not be answered with packages I hoped for however resurrection happened and happens still! He raised from the dead, therefore all He is exists in me because I too was raised from the dead in my heart. My heart can beat with life, though broken, because He is alive. That is enough! Beat little heart beat.

Miracles are free to me! The people at the wedding didnt have to pay for the best wine or work for it. It came when they least expected it without anything they did earning it- in fact, they were pigs and had drank everything! Jesus paid the highest cost that I might be able to remain in the receiving posture of His miracles of love, intervention, intercession, grace, hope, peace, mercy, and countless others. We can rest assured that we cant manufacture, manipulate, move, or maintain the miracles of God.... we just believe and receive Him!

with comfort this is written... thanks for miracles at weddings Lord. Thanks for being in the flow of my life and tears.

Part the Waters

2011-06-09T16:27:00.000-04:00

The dark night can last longer than we would like. However it is in the dark of night that our Lord works in might. Exodus 14 describes a bleak evening of tension, wonderings, and questions as the Israelites camped out at the base of a raging walled Red Sea. They had His promise that “surely you will see the salvation of the Lord accomplish this for you” and that “ while you remain silent He fights for you” but they also had the tangible loud crashing wavy sea ahead of them too. It is the temptation to doubt the activity of our God in the dark night when all we see is the waters, undivided, that tears our faith away from His secure promises. But in this same passage beneath these promises we see that God worked all through the night, parting the waters, as they slept on the shore. He works when we cannot see, feel, touch, or prove it to be so. Our God is never passive or inactive! With out stretched arms, willing to save and work, He parts the waters in our own lives to this day. Cling to the promises of the Water Parting Lord. Truly, He has been working behind the scenes and stirring beneath the waters. Daughter, “do not fear, stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you this day”, regardless of how dark your night has been. Ex.14:13-21

Pete's Coffee

2011-05-11T16:18:00.000-04:00

Belated story but must share! This peculiar LA morning began with taking Katty to therapy only to have an hour to sip coffee with Jesus, waiting for her to text “finished”. I love Pete’s coffee so decided that I would sit outside at table all my own, sip my latte, and open the Word. It was bustling with customers of all types, some well dressed and others of the street persuasion. This Pete’s was located on a very busy little corner in Westwood where high end home décor and homelessness lined the sidewalks, very striking imagery if you ask me. Finally my latte order was slid over my way from the counter barista and out to my little haven I went, smell of vanilla roasted beans preceding my every step.

With selfish excitement for an uninterrupted hour of “Quiet Time” I got to my rickety iron “umbrellaed” table and began to set up shop. A book about Beauty that I had just gotten the day before from the author herself (Anne Ortlund), Bibles ( yes more than one), journal, and various colorful pens draped the tabletop. A sigh of relief and anticipation as I took my first sip and stare into His Word….

It lasted all of 5 short minutes when I was interrupted ( or should I say intersected) by an interesting man. He was dressed “coordinated” but unique, with nothing in hand but a coffee cup he must have brought from home. He walked by my table turned around and came back to ask me, “ can I share your table?” Ummm…. NO! That was my first ( flesh) thought… No, you can’t, I anticipated this morning for a while and wanted time alone with the Savior of the World you live in. In about 5 seconds the conversation in my head spilled out of my mouth with an “ of course you can”. Don’t you love it when Jesus trumps and answers through you? He proceeds to sit down and loudly slurp his coffee at these already awkwardly positioned personal spaceless tables. Beyond the noise interruption, it was his unrelenting stare at me and my Bible that really put it over the top. Nope, he had nothing to read, look like, or ponder… but me. Agh! Not how I wanted to share my morning coffee quiet time, for sure. Then he speaks… “ beauty and religion, those are mutually exclusive”. Oh no… hear we go, now I have to actually engage with him?! Lord, are you serious? Again conversations in my head were trumped with words from His mouth. “No actually they go together perfectly.. true beauty comes from a depth of what is inside… most people are just really shallow. Yes religion is exclusive… but that is why beauty and relationships are the choiced match”. He just continues to stare at me shaking his head in disagreement. Buses are stopping on the corner with loud exhaust each time they brake, business men are standing at the stoplight waiting to cross screaming their deals to everyone near them not just the person on the cell phone, and now me and my little man are trying to have a life discussion. Agh! His lips were moving but I could hear nothing. He was so soft spoken anyway then add in all other LA noise on a Friday morning and the cause is lost. It was comical actually and I found myself smiling, leaning in to catch every other word of this character. Then I was reminded of Jesus words, “when you entertain people and do for the least of these, you do it unto Me”. I was smiling and thanking God for allowing this interesting man to cross my life path for 20 minutes. . I finished up my bible study and conversation with the nameless man and exited the table with a gracious smile and grateful heart. It is rubbing shoulders with the world that introduces them to the hug of Christ at some point. Jesus knows all by name and I pray He calls his soon. Who knows, maybe his name was Pete.

2011-04-22T09:20:00.001-04:00

Have I really flown this much to notice the nuisances in the airport or are they simply that obvious? I think everything has potebtial humor bedore 6am though. My good friday began in the atlabta aurpoet- a frequented destination of mine. I just happened to notice a lot this morning, maybe it was pulling an all nighter.

let's take the well famed TSA family. They are proud of their badges and blue shirts as they strut with powerful authority written on their foreheads. Comical. Here I am, adorned in the colors of an Easter egg bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5am, walking through security when I catch the eye of mr.powerful. He is standing guard of everyone inside a seeming inch by one inch square, releasing them only at his command when their bags are present. Hilarious. I guess he thought my dress ruffles could be offensively hiding something as he glared me up and down... But I got out with the violating "pat down" somehow!

Not only does the TSA bring humor but so do the trains, especially when people are half awake with very little balance. Is it that hard to clinch your quad and stand still?! I was so entertained at 5:25am... Finally to the starbucks I stroll up, all smiles. It was in the starbucks line where I just observed everybody's gait. We all have a sway, gimp, swagger, jiggle, wobble, strut, or lead foot. It definitely made me conscious of how I am walking and whose watching. So easily amused...

Sipping my latte, posture straight trying to walk normal back to my gate I think "the little nuisances of the airport are a great way to start the day" but maybe it's only because the sun hasn't even woke yet, or maybe it's Atlanta, or maybe I really do fly that much... Regardless I'm grateful for our homeland security team... Their job and their comic relief.

Written from the iPhone, disregard any grammatical errors.

The Rest of Him

2011-04-13T20:32:00.000-04:00

The Lord actually gives both, resting and working places. He ordains these seasons or streams in our life so divinely. He took me to LA, out of ATL, to rest not work. From afar it resembles just more activity and busyness but there is a difference. It is more fullness than busyness and resting than working out here. My heart enjoys the silence in the room and the smells of this home. My mind steals away unto Him out here different to that of "home". Jesus' yoke is easy and burden is light, inviting all to come for rest. Oh I come, I come indeed for rest and receive it abundantly. To all the working places ahead, He will accomplish what concerns me. For now, in every way, there is a solace and unapologetic sweetness to the rest that beckons me. Sometimes rest looks like a white sheeted bed waiting to be curled up in other times rest resembles effortless conversation that knits the hearts and keeps the spirit awake. Rest has many faces but above all it has the calming tensionless face of Christ attached to it. I love His rest. The Rest of Him! I am currently tired so these are mental ramblings from one that is about to literally rest on this plush white couch, before the dinner hour... but thought I would share.

Matt 11

Come to Me- please just come. Stop, step, and sit into Me. Come right now. You are weary, tired, heavy, weighted, burdened, busied, tension filled, and tried. I know you are all those things but I also know that I can pacify them. I am Rest. I am waiting for you.... to relieve you, shouldered one. Come and I will give you, freely, REST that you cannot discover or conjure up on your own. Receieve Me, Take my weight upon you... lets exchange! Let me Mantle you, nothing else, just me. My yoke on you.. which lifts you not presses you. Learn from me as this exchange happens...You will learn of gentleness and humility as I exchange you for Me. I want you to be quiet hearted and gentle minded.... let the pounds of the world just melt as you take Me in and on. Oh there is rest indeed for your will, emotions, mind, spirit, body, heart, and life pace. This is easy, really, very simple actually. Your load is no longer your load.... for your "load" is now known as mine. It is light. You are lightened. Rest now.

Vulnerability

2011-04-05T01:17:00.000-04:00

Thoughts on Vulnerability with a lot of prayer and a little nudging from recent TED speakers.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy and hope and passion to fully live

Vulnerability is neither comfortable or crucifying but cleansing and necessary.

What makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful

Be careful not to numb vulnerability

Vulnerability is taking a risk with hope regardless of its outcome.

You cannot numb emotions selectively- you feel all or feel nothing.

We are imperfect, wired for struggle but worthy of love and belonging

To let yourself be deeply seen is vulnerability

Practice the movement of joy in the moments of pain is hope

To feel vulnerable is to be alive

To love with a whole full heart apart of guarantees

Being fierce on being you is being awake with security

Letting go of who you think you are supposed to be and embracing who He says you are is vulnerability and strength, married.

KNEEL

2011-04-04T23:47:00.001-04:00

I felt like a spiritual composer as the cadence of music, colors, ambience, and mission in KNEEL came together as a song this week in Texas. Though it was a quieted space with a whisper tonality, students were compelled to enter and enjoy. The minimal amount of square feet sang over them and silenced them with Jesus' love. It was still but it sung loud of His presence, power, and peace. Their visage changed and their voices lowered, without instruction, as they expectantly entered Prayer itself. Students from all over the world stepped into that environment standing tall but came out kneeling in spirit. We put an atmosphere to prayer that drew the throne to the earth. Beauty and Breath were both present. A place were we all, student and volunteer, breathed again. Life has a way of knocking air out of our lungs and events dont fill it. I love Passion, because it is not an event but an experience that gives breath back because it is an encounter with the Air we breathe. Jesus stands exalted as central in Passion and Kneel was a visible extension of that to 10,000 students. Passion altered my direction 11 years ago so to hold the door in every way for this generation was beyond expression. Students from Texas, Georgia, Singapore, New York, Florida, Ukraine, and many others got it. They got Him, actually! Lights came on, scales fell off, doors opened and hearts softened. Inspiration and solidification took place. Roots went deeper, seeds were planted, and fruit began to sprout. I am believing Isaiah 27:6 for my life and the lives of the thousands I saw and hundreds I stood by this weekend. " In the days to come Jacob will take root, Israel will blossom and sprout, And they will fill the whole world with fruit."

Reveling over the divine movement of prayer as I crawl into white sheets with the sound of stormy rain.

Goodnight all.

Writing...

2011-04-04T22:22:00.000-04:00

I truly believe the Lord Jesus has authored a breathing space for me in the month of April to HEAR & WRITE. Yet again, through voices and circumstances, He takes me back to Revelation 12: 5 that states, “ Write, for these things are true.” When a sentence begins with a verb, the noun is obvious. He is telling ME the verb, to write. Sarah, just express all the stories that are in you- ones I have written and ones I am continuing to chapter. There is much on my heart, in my mind, and on my life that begs to be articulated. I want to be more faithful and consistent on my blog, possibly growing the intrigue and listening ears. Blog writing, journaling, and Word processing- which avenue do I start? I dont know. I dont know the politics, process, or procedure of this next adventure. I just want to express, communicate, and share with those who will listen. I love to tell a story weaved with truth that He reveals. For many different reasons, the Lord grants me with a myriad of stories both humorous and heavy. I love telling a story... writing is one way to do that. Pictures are another way for me. Mixing the art of telling a story with painting a picture is a passion of mine. Writing as if I was talking with someone face to face and placing them in the situation I am describing is a love. However, the calling on my life is not so much to leave people with my stories as it is with His threaded throughout them. His voice echoing, laughing, stilling, and teaching through it all.

While in LA most of the April month, reading will also be consistent. I am reading The Resilient Life and A Homemade Life currently. Both so different but so great. I love the way Molly mixes words and phrases things in her “Homemade Life”. It is in theory a cookbook wrapped around her life story. I would love my books to be devotionals with Biblical nuggets through scripture packaged within my unfolding life story. So I am learning from other authors. Gordon in “The Resilient life” just leaves me wanting that backbone of courage and mental character to do what I know He is calling me to do. I am only a few chapters into both of these but they are inspiring me to act, thus this entry. Viral accountability is a unique thing that “blogging” prompts without effort. The more I write the more accountable I am to continue to write. Interesting how all this works, online. I dont know if or what people will read my musings but that is not why I am expressing really. It is as Jeremiah said, “It is a fire shut up in my bones and indeed I cannot hold it in any long”. That is why I write and express- if you read and enjoy, that is wonderful icing on an already great cake.

I am excited to pour out through words. I don't know what the finished product ( if there will ever be one) will resemble but I think for the first time I am giving myself permission to enjoy the process not just look to the finish. So here we go....

Surprising Sanctification

2011-01-24T13:01:00.000-05:00

God uses the most unexpected things to carve His image into this piece of stone, to mirror the image of Him in the mirror in front of me. Tests, Trials, Tears, and Triumphs all mar and mold us into different images. Oh to be more like the image or reflection of Christ! To those who long to be sanctified, He will instigate that process with no assistance from us. He longs for us to be transformed from Glory to Glory as mentioned in II Cor. To behold as in a mirror the glory of our Lord in us! Wow. Do not assume how that sanctification will be packaged. It comes in all sizes and shapes. It could be in Atlanta Traffic, awful break ups, amazing job promotions, or altering friendships. Sanctification, when originated by Him, has a way of purging us inside and pressing Him outside. More of Him, less of me. So today when viewing your face in the mirror, may we thank Him for surprising sanctifying circumstances as it leads to more of His image in the mirror starring back at you. To God be all the Glory!

Reckless Restlessness

2011-01-24T12:54:00.002-05:00

Oh how often a restlessness of heart seems to echo through me! This restless is birthed not from discontent but from hope and anticipation of God's coming activity. How blessed we are in the step by step Journey He has us on. I am overwhelmed to tears at the thought of how and who He intersects for greater glory than all I could have asked or imagined. Past friends and new faces; old relationships and ones still forming; family kin and future dreams colliding... He has a way of paralling the lives and hearts of those who seek Him. I am beyond grateful for the intersections and interruptions that have marked this year, the one past, and coming ones ahead. Thank you Divine Interrupter! His interruptions are glorious and illogical in nature, but later we will understand what He is doing as stated in John 13:7. How beautiful are the hands of my Lord and His activity on behalf of this little maiden.

25 thoughts on the 25th

2010-10-26T13:20:00.001-04:00

25 thoughts on the 25th: mindless and meaningful.

> Is 43:18-19 Will you be aware of it?" Behold I am doing something new now." we are Too aware of what has happened that we miss what is happening. Consciously be more aware of what He is up to then what has been.

> John 14:21-23- I will love her and make Myself at home with her. The comforts a soft living room brings the outer man so His presence to our inner man.

> Eggs bacon coffee at a rattan table outside Under a canopy of green vines- nothing like a Cali morning.

> The Ivy in LA. Enough said.

> Flipping through cookbooks is a form of Inspiration.

> A good brisk jog by Starbucks and boutique windows is prayerful entertainment.

> John 16:24 "Until now you have asked for nothing in My name" ."Until now" is another way of saying "the tension of suspension". We should be asking much of Him on the tight rope heights of tension in our lives. Tension between now and not yet should be elevated up in prayer!!

> I love fall wind with summer sun.

> Business and blogging from the back porch is nice.

> The south and the west meet in good friends over fine fare.

> Sunday brunch at The Wolfs need I say more?

> Children are a form of health for an adult. They cure the sickness of selfishness.

> A lost joy and privilege is standing in the gap for someone elses plea. Try it.

> Family as friends is a gift.

> Freedom was bought don't deny it or cheapen it.

> Matt. 28:20 Emmanuel.

> Ice cold bottled water goes down easier than from a glass

> Candles burning regardless of time of day is cleansing.

> Made beds bring a since of order

> culver city- home away from home

> Skinny jeans, boots, soft worn shirt with accessories.

> The daily light and coffee to start a Monday.

> Oh how He loves us!

> Sacrifice is different than loss. Loss is involuntarily losing something regardless of value that will not return. Sacrifice is voluntarily giving up something of lesser value to gain something of greater value in return! Loss is a gap. Sacrifice is a gain.

Abraham believed God could and would done what He said. Should we? Absolutely.

Catalyst 2010

2010-10-07T09:39:00.000-04:00

Tension is not only vital but good. Receive it and become a leader through it. Leaders are born for and in the tension. What a transcendent truth! It is more than a theme orchestrated by an event team, but it is reality. Embrace this truth and start to really minister.

Tension holds bridges together.
Tension keeps relationships developing.
Tension invites God to intersect and intervene.
Tension creates the need for vision.
Tension reduces whatever control we are tricked into believing we have.
Tension demands attention.

Tension is vital and good. Tension is God... He ordains and allows tension to occur for all that tension instigates in the life of His children. Throughout Scripture we see people in tension. We see them between armies and seas. We see them between prisons and palaces. We see them between fields and fortunes. We see them between pressure and Presence. We see them between "the now and the not yet"... Oh it is the tension between the now and not yet that engages faith for the impossible.

So accept it. Invite it. Leverage it. Tension is Good.

Community

2010-10-05T16:56:00.002-04:00

Tonight I am privileged to have dinner with Pastor Peter Tan Chi and his wife, Deonna from the Philippines. Christ Commission Fellowship is their church. www.ccf.org.ph

God unites His people of this world for reasons beyond us. I lived in Austria during the fall of 2006 and became very close to their daughter, Carolyn. She has a passion for the Lord like few woman I have met, and I have met a lot. Carolyn stands out, heads above others, in a crowd because of how committed her heart is to the One and Only God. She and I found a commonality between our hearts as if we were separated from birth. Community was born between us and has maintained over these 4.5 years. There is nothing like unity of the spirit in the bond of peace as Eph. states.

It is not coincidence that finally I get to meet her beloved family the very same week of Catalyst, which brings them to the USA. I am excited to find commonality with them as we mention our Lord's names and wonders. I am humbled to fellowship, glean, and serve with thousands at Catalyst 2011 this week as well. I will be reporting from a suite- so keep checking for blog posts this week and facebook updates.

Community is common unity. How small the world of believers becomes when lived in light of common unity shared in a large God!

Catharsis

2010-10-01T16:11:00.000-04:00

Autumn drive from Nashville to Atlanta.
Charlie Hall's new album.
Windows down.
Engaging conversations.
Dreaming about the future possibilities.
Writing.
Singing Celine's "A New Day has come".
Planning for Passion 2011.
Baking/Cooking of any kind.
Laughing out loud at You Tube videos.
Making a sale.
Getting a bargain from anthropology.
Cupcakes.
Homemade soup.
TGIF.
Iced Coffee.
Mercy Girl's face.
Running a couple miles.
Creating Book titles and chapters.
Beginning The Book!
Reading the Word.

All done in a day's work...

Ode to Old

2010-09-20T16:59:00.000-04:00

Today in cleaning out my garage, my car, and my room my heart too was cleansing. Old books. Old clothes and shoes. Old journals of tales past. Old napkins with nuggets written on them. Old heart breaks recorded in notebooks. Old recipes. Old magazines. Old memories. Old misery births new ones. In the midst of the old and the long past missing, I ached for the new. New memories. New journal entries. New hope. New nuggets. New strength. New hugs. New resolutions jotted down on post its. New friends. New love. New space. New outlook. New laughs. New adventures. New things. New tears of joy. New truth written on my heart. Maybe even New perspectives on old things even.

As Solomon says, "nothing is new under the sun". But as I know God, "everything is new in the Son". Thank you for that promise when all around me smells old. You usher in newness, Lord. "Do not recall the former things for they have past; behold I am doing something new!" Replace what has been lost. Repair what has been broken. Remind me of what You can and will do. Renew what my heart deep down knows as truth. Replenish what has been emptied.

Good bye Old. Hello New.

Psalm 27

2010-09-18T13:12:00.001-04:00

Woke up with ache in my mind and heart today after an act of obedience this week. Obedience hurts. God asks of us "faith works" that sometimes do not logically make sense in the grand scheme of the story but faith moves forward, despising the pain, and obeys anyway. As my eyes slowly opened this morning my mind immediately wants to wander into What If Land. Have you ever visited that land? It is not a place to vacation. It is not even a place worth visiting. What If Land steals joy, kills hope, and paralyzes faith that longs to move forward. I hate that land. Pain is the passport and I was headed there in my thought life today. As my mind was wandering over the border this morning Psalm 27:13 stopped me. It literally was etched in bold across my thoughts.

"I WOULD HAVE despaired unless I HAD BELIEVED that I WOULD see the Goodness of the Lord in the land of the living".

The land of the living! That is where I want to walk and have my mind centered. The Land of the living is the here and now IN Christ that brings hope, joy and peace because it is a land full of His goodness to the enlightened eye! Enlighten my eyes O Jesus. I love the past tense used: "I would have despaired", BUT DID NOT. "I had believed" long ago and still do that I WILL ( coming future) see, not just hope for, His goodness! He is good and He is for us, even when every other voice or thought screams otherwise. He is good. Taste and SEE that He is good!

Oh the word just flooded me as my eyes opened and closed this morning on that one verse.
Ps 27:13.

I made my way out of bed, a little sore all over, and walked the dogs. Every step I took I was envisioning that verse and His goodness filling my soul ( mind, will, emotions) and my life presently. Taking my thoughts captive and putting away the passport. I was not going to travel to that What If Land anymore! I asked GOD to continue echoing to me His truth for every lie that would enter.

I had an impression to check my email upon entering the house with my two sweaty dogs. What was there but an email from Passion City Church on Psalm 27! There it was IN BOLD in my mailbox: Psalm 27. When He speaks a Word, He repeats His Word. How sweet of Him! I am clinging to Him as an anchor when all else has failed. I am standing, though feeble, on His Word that resonates deep in my mind not just on the pages of paper. His Word is real to me, needed by me, and spoken to me.

"Blessed are the pure in heart for they will SEE God". Matt 5 Oh I long to see Him in the here and now of life. I do see Him actually. I see God in everything, even the pain. I see God though a little blurry through my tears. Maybe that means He is sharpening my vision and purifying my heart then! Wow. To see Him, know Him, sense Him, and hear Him instead of wandering into What If Land! Thank you Father

. Show Yourself Oh Lord again and again. Thank you for Psalm 27!

"I would have despaired had I not believed that I WOULD SEE the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

I See You

2010-08-04T17:17:00.008-04:00

The famous line from Avatar remains glued to the forefront of my heart and mind. "I see you." There is more to that statement than hollywood characters, the color blue on people, the planet of Pandora or Pixar animated plots. There is a spiritual dimension to those precious words. While in FWB this weekend on the phone with one my girls from ESTABLISH HER, those words haunted me. In her tears, the revelation of this fact came to me. The desire to be seen and the reality that I am, regardless of circumstances.

Living a full life, busy loving others and being loved, this little one can still feel unseen by the closest people to me. Why is that? Because innately in me is the desire and need to know I am SEEN, by the One who saw me before I was visible. I am seen by many, few, all, and of course, God. But sometimes it feels as those everyone goes blind and no one notices. We all want to be noticed, appreciated, recognized, known, and SEEN.

In hectic schedules, travel arrangements, new relationships, old friendships, demands of life, and ministry opportunities it is easy, ironically, to feel anything but seen. God whispered to me as I counseled her on the phone, " But I see you, Sarah". When I feel forsaken, taken for granted, overlooked, passed by, missed, discarded, or obscure, Jesus whispers " I see you, beloved girl". Oh I needed that fresh breath this weekend! His eyes are mentioned through the scripture... It is beautiful.

The eyes of the Lord scan the whole earth looking for someone whom He can show Himself strong. II Chron 16:9 His eye rests on me and you. Show Yourself strong O God.

The eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him and hope in His unfailing Love. Ps 33:18 He sees me and you with eyes of unfailing loving gaze.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you with My eye upon you." Ps. 32:8 I love His eyes being on us, counseling us in the way to walk!

He keeps me as the apple or little daughter of His eye. Ps 17:8 What an endearing close posture this to me! To be so close to Christ that in His gaze on me I see who I am in His eye. My God has fixed focus!

The eyes of the Lord are in and on every place and person. Prov 15:3

To my memory was brought Gen 16 as I continued to counsel with my dear friend and console my own heart. Hagar was mistreated by the maidservant whom she had only served and obeyed. She ran from her straight into the arms of God. Hagar has a perspective too. Her story is worth telling. She was abandoned into the wilderness under a tree by a well up against a wall. Cornered, literally. She was not seen by anyone and felt that with bitter tears. Then the Angel of the Lord visits her and asks her why she is running. Then He comforts her, with His eyes directly on her, and commands her back to Sarai. God viewed Hagar and she viewed Him. Her tears were dried and her feet were strengthened to head back for service. Hagar said, "Now I have seen the God who sees me". She named that very location, "Beer LaHai Roi", The Living One who sees me!

Oh Hagar and I have much in common at times. I long to be seen and my heart remembered this weekend that I am. I am seen by the Living One. He sees me! El Roi, the God who sees.

Take comfort in your heart, be strong and courageous for God is looking closely at us saying,

"I SEE YOU."

Write It Down

2010-08-03T21:20:00.000-04:00

Ok so I am contemplating the effort and reward of writing or "blogging" as we call it, on a more consistent basis. Consistency is a word that needs to be defined. Life is full but so is my heart therefore I long to communicate. In this season I think consistency could be once a week or so maybe. I mean, really, who has time to jot and tittle their life away while they are living it too? I feel compelled to write though time comes and goes. Intentionality comes along with this type of writing. So here is my confession of needing to write more. Revelation 21:5 says "And the one seated on the throne said: “Look! I am making all things new!” Then He said to me, “Write it down, because these words are reliable and true.”

I am compelled to write. He has told me. He is indeed doing new things all the time, worth recording and remembering. I pray my words are reliable and true, however His are all the time. Praise! I aim to share His word through my experience with my tiny knowledge through my unfolding life stories for His glory by His spirit's power. There will be honesty, humor, word pictures, biblical truth, heart ramblings, confessions, hopes shared, and many questions left unanswered at times along the way. But "write it down" keeps running through my mind. So as Nike says, just do it. I have talked much of this and dreamed of writing (rambling) long enough now that I just want to do it not dream it. Big difference.

There is so much to share from the simple to the significant. I dont have the corner on anything nor am I the greatest aspiring writer. However through writing I can achieve a true state of catharsis in my soul. I think there are many like that in the world. Writing is a gift of expression from the Greatest Author. I long to steward that gift well. I love to free flow what is in my head, on my heart, or throughout my day with the beauty of words. I love knowing I have spoken, been heard, and hopefully understood. I enjoy painting pictures with my words through my life stories, the ones I write and even more so, the ones God trumps mine with. He is the best Author, isnt He? I love articulating what He reveals to me and in me, whether right or wrong. Writing is solace. Writing is healing. Writing even right now is telling me I should "just do it". So Stay tuned....

Catalyst Atlanta!

2009-10-19T20:14:00.000-04:00

On Your Mark, Get Set, God…

There were musicians heard, speakers quoted, thousands of people present, topics discussed, and leaders born. Though the event distilled down to darkened rooms, removable equipment, tired volunteers, abandoned notebooks, and full trashcans, an encounter of the heart still rages on. For me, it is not the event of Catalyst as much as it is the encounter with Christ that such a catalyst ushers in, leaving me changed and compelled in a new way about something “old”. As Francis Chan and Louie Giglio noted, there is no new edge or trend that can be spun on the reality of Jesus as the Mark. Even Solomon agreed that nothing new is under the sun, that no idea has been escaped. It is still to Him, through Him, for Him, and about Him. He is the Commencement, Catalyst, and Conclusion to all. He is the Mark. Rom 11:36

Atlanta Catalyst 2009 came and went, but the race ahead continues. “On Your Mark” was not only the theme for Catalyst but is the charge of God to the leaders and listeners in this generation. Are we listening to the Architect of our course? Are we leading to the Ascension of the Mark or mere men?

The Question: What and Where is your mark? The Answer: His power alive in your reality, accomplishing all that is now and to come. It still can’t get any simpler or more profound than Jesus. Encounter Jesus. Leader, follower, Husband, Wife, Mother, Father, Nobody, Celebrity; it boils down to who He is not who we are. It is not so much in leaving a mark as it is in knowing the Mark. It is not a new edgy idea or trendy style of communicating as much as it is meditating on the face and personhood of Jesus. It is His voice that sounded the “go gun” to begin. It is His character that is our baton. It is His pattern of history that is our course for the future. It is His face that is our Mark. Thank you to Louie, and others, that refreshed me with this reminder of Truth. It is Him, the express image of God’s person, Jesus. In His face, everything else grows dim and the Goal illuminates brighter giving stout meaning to all the duties, roles, ministries, tasks, investments, and dreams in between. The Word has spoken, the gun has sounded, the race has begun…So are you on course and if so where are you headed?

Growing up, as children, in PE classes all over the country, we heard the famous words, “On your mark, get so, GO!” Now as adults, not only has the coaches’ scream become a faint echo but so has the charge of our Creator. You see, He too is encouraging us, compelling us, and enabling us with the famous words-“On My Mark, Sarah, get ready, GO into all that is ahead of you.” However, the demands of ministry, the disasters of life, the disarray of activities begin to silence His voice and stunt our pace. Oh that we would be called back into intimacy as leaders. Oh that we would remain on course, but on the right course with the right Coach behind us and Collision ahead of us. A collision course with the face and heart of Jesus Christ, in the midst of all we do, is the acclaimed aim.

He has orchestrated a race to run with endurance, a goal (an upward calling) to reach with accomplished joy, and a navigation system through His Word, lighting the steps of our journey. What a refreshing reminder! As adults in life, may we assume the position of children in PE. Are you “on our Mark”? Are you prepped, ready, in position, and available to RUN the race, reaching the destination that is gleaming in your eye? Even better yet, as leaders, what is the destination that is glistening in our eye? What is beckoning us to Run, to Go, to Race onward? Well, I along with others, venture to say that before you can be on your Mark, you must know to that which you run. Where you are running to must first be answered before your runner’s stance can be assumed. I was yet again challenged, called, and confirmed forward through Catalyst this year. Compelled forward through this race called life into the collision of His face with mine. In my suite, worship rung loud from my heart, words typed quickly through my fingers, and the tears streamed as I sensed Him placing me “on mark” again. Humorously, as the recesses in my soul are moved, civic center patrons are also moved to loudly refill the ice buckets and distractingly crumple bags of chips into the trash. Hilarious. Spiritual moments always happen in the normalcy of life, don’t they?

Back to my flow, He is a good Leader, Coach, and Running Partner. So as Song of Solomon put it in chapter 1, He called me into His chambers last week that we might run together. Thank you to Catalyst for being a catalyst to His chambers that I might run the course with endurance not sprint speed.

Maybe the many nuggets I learned and randomly jotted below will help all of us “Get ready, Get set, Go, not only on our mark but to our Mark!

Stay your Mark and keep running…

- Focused intensity over time multiplies by God’s effort causes unstoppable momentum that changes everything! (Dave Ramsey)
- Immaturity is revealed in our heart when God beckons us to obedience and we delay, question, analyze, or move with haste in the opposite direction. Therefore, I am fixing my eyes on the Author of, the Finisher in, and the Intercessor for my faith!
- Confess, repent, fight, believe, mature... Listen to God and tune into our hearts.... DO what He says not what YOU want. With this done we can RUN the race set before us!!!! The unique race has begun.... can you run it? Is sin entangling? Throw it off by faith and RUN... confess, repent, receive, believe, mature, Run. Heb 12
-GOD IS DOING EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO DO AS HE ALWAYS DOES.... and we are invited to the unfolding. (Matt Chandler)
- Lay aside the entanglements that easily hinder for in confession and repentance there is LIFE and Freedom! In quietness and rest is confident strength. Is 30:15
-Lay Aside, cease striving, and run YOUR race.
- Are we ready and willing to live and DIE by faith? There is crucifixion and resurrection in the Christian life. Heb 11:29- BY Faith... they conquered... BY Faith!!! By faith...though they were sawn in two, they were persecuted, they were tortured.... BY Faith we now live not sight or guarantee.
- Nehemiah 4:13-14 It is not about what you are building but who you are becoming. Amen!
-Lean into the mission of fortifying those around you. As leaders, encourage parents to parent, marriages to stay together, and families to be connected. (Tony Dungy)
-As leaders, don’t build empires, become enablers.
- Have we been so easily seduced by the more, the better, the bigger that we have lost the very experience of what we proclaim??!!! CLEANSE me lord from busyness with stillness. Free me from activity by an increase of intimacy with you. Is the current pace of life sustainable? If it is not... than silence, still, and stagnate longer! BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.
- The fall fractured it all, but Christ's death and life revived.
- John 6. Sometimes the crowd thins yet deepens at the same time...For then The Few rise High. So the crowd thins and deepens but also the crowd thickens and runs the risk of “shallowing”. Luke 21
- We are the living crucifixion Friday that breathes and embodies the resurrection Sunday to all watching! Don’t just take the Eucharist, Be it. (Rob Bell)
- WHEN WE OBEY GOD TRULY, WE WILL NOT COVET ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE.....the first 9 “laws”, when kept in heart, make the 10th commandment a reward! “YOU WILL NOT COVET” when you are in the center of His vision... Amen
- We acknowledge that the bush is always burning and the sandals are always off for the ground is always and presently holy.... For He is in us! Col 1:27
-"The gospel is to be more promoted and cultivated as a garden by a Gardner than it is a relic glassed in painting protected by a guard".... (Shane Hipps) Have we protected it so much that we have stop promoting it in the context we live?
-"God of glory, voice of thunder, split the cedars, bring us under on the shadows of your wings you give us strength, you give us peace..." (Zach Williams)
- If I "win", I win and if I loose I "win".... what a freedom to have in Christ... that His story always wins!
-“God is fully responsible for a life wholly devoted to Him.” (Charles Stanley)
- Living to make my mark is too small a thing to give my life too.
-It is not being in authority but under authority! His AUTHORity.
- It is not so much about the mark I leave but the fact I AM Marked. You have marked me, Lord leverage me now for Your mark. Josh 5:13
- So do you trust Him to leave His mark with the only mark you leave as believing Him?
-"Great men make and leave the world better...leadership is the forward motion to ensure that happening." (Andy Stanley)
-Narrow my focus, hone my energy, captivate my mind, guard my emotions, margin my time, feed my soul that I might lead them…
-Let me experience the same encounter I present.
-Yield to His interruptions and you will be surprisingly victorious. Disappointments are HIS appointments
-Josh 3 advises five things in leadership: After getting direction, act intentionally, act immediately, act fearlessly, acknowledge His presence, and anticipate His movement. Eph 3:20
-Fear rises but faith always flies higher.
-Shop in your own storehouses of treasure, for surely in this earthen vessels there is already a Treasure to treasure not obtain.
-Leading is actually following. Everyone is a leader because everyone is following something. What are you following and where are you leading?
-“Your life is shaped by the end you live for; You are made in the image of what you desire.” (Thomas Merton)
-Heaven is the face of God.
-How often do we look at His hand and miss His face?
-My soul was not made for lesser beauty than the face of Jesus. Drawing life from His smile.
-Forgive me that the frowns of others mean more to me than the smile of You.
-You cannot become unless you behold. Col 3 When Christ is revealed to you then you will be revealed in Him.
-Do we consider Christ a loss worthy of gaining everything else or do we consider everything less loss at the gain of having Christ?
-Leadership is not about getting a head, but looking at the Head we have. (Louie Giglio) Colossians 1
-It is more about internalizing Him than memorizing about Him.

Puzzling Peace!

2009-10-13T16:15:00.001-04:00

Life is made up of pieces that create a whole pictured mosaic. But it is in those mosaic pieces that we can not only lose sight of the Picture but of the Person crafting those pieces with a purpose. Oh may we not stare at the "random" pieces of mix matched colors, circumstances, and changes. However, may we gaze deep into Peace not at the piece. The Word says He Himself is our peace. Eph 2:14 I cherish that peace is not an emotional state that is rocked as a ship by storm swells or silent streams, but that PEACE is a breathing living Person looking upon me, as He crafts and orders my pieces. Our pieces are held. Our pieces are not random. Our pieces are making a whole artistic expression of Christ Likeness. For just as it pleased the Father to "crush" the Son in Is 53, so does it please Him to permit pieces in our life. It is those pieces that can usher in either a horizontal perspective away from Him and onto the puzzling piece or vertical perspective that can propel our perspective upward. He is in control. He is Peace in the piece. Life may be puzzling and pieced a part without wholeness sometimes, but we can invite our gaze upward into His sovereign pattern and know that He Himself is our Peace. Our pieces are patterned. Our pieces are planned. Our God is our Peace in the pieces. So then therefore in the midst of pieces truly we can say, " I am not anxious about anything for in everything I present my request and my puzzlement to Him in gratitude, knowing that His peace, His person-hood, transcends my understanding of these pieces. I rest in His peace not my piece. Phil 4:5-6

More to come...

Compelled...

2009-10-10T18:01:00.000-04:00

Compelled to write, so that I will do. Rev 21:5 "WRITE, for these words are faithful and true". He has been faithful to me today and true to me anyway. I have no sensible title or logic at the moment, but I have compulsion and communication running through me stemming from circumstances today. Praise God we do not live by our circumstances though we are in them. Actually, we are not in them either, we are IN Christ. Maybe circumstances are more like windows rather than doors. Windows into NEEDING Him more and being found in Him deeper instead of opening up life to me. Circumstances do not open up or shut down anything... they simply give me a window into who I am in Him and who is in me. Freedom! So today despite circumstances, I live by compulsion not control. I live with convictions not complacency, I live in Christ not in my conscience, I live for communion with Him not for community with others first. Though community is important, it is a by product and a gift of true communion with Christ Jesus.

This is the Man who compels me and does so even now as I sense these words flowing from my fingertips presently:

I am not in control of what will be nor in contemplation of what was once. I am in comfort for WHO is. He is. He is what is all to me. JESUS. I am comforted that YOUR ARE the Mark, the journey, and the bumps in between. Oh! You walk with me through fire in life, ice of heart, and rain in seasons. You walk with me, with Your Rod and Staff, YOU comfort and conform me anyway. Thank You that YOU ARE is not a game. YOU ARE not an imagination. YOU ARE not a religion. YOU ARE not an easily labeled, formulaic law that is defined simply as a disposable addition or subtraction to Life... Jesus. You are Life. Thank You that You are incorruptible when all else corrupts. Thank You that You cleanse where dirt is present. Thank You that create where the black hole is... out of nothing You bring everything into existence under submission. Thank You that You clarify what is murky and You change what is incorrect. You claim back what the enemy meant to steal, kill, and destroy. You cut chains of bondage making them bracelets of freedom. You work. You move. You heal. You speak. You lead. You live. You give. You remove. You. You. You. I believe YOU ARE. YOU ARE more than enough for me.

YOU ARE in my circumstances though not defined by them. You give and remove though You are beyond that transaction. For You ARE, simply is period. I behold You. YOU ARE the I AM beholding ME TOO. I love You.

My heart is full... my music is on... so Truth floods in. I was compelled to write...but even more so driven to believe that HE IS the I AM that YOU ARE needing and that I AM loving.... Thanks for reading the entry... though this was more for me than any. I love and need Jesus Christ with every ounce in each circumstance as I cling tight and caravan forward to His face as my Mark.

Sweetness in Starlight

2009-05-27T15:48:00.000-04:00

“I will bless the Lord, who has given me counsel. My heart instructs me in the night seasons.” Ps. 16:7

I lay here, in rest and recovery from external inflicted injuries on my knees tonight, but am amazed at the mirror it is to my internal wounded spirit currently. Physical surgeries seem to mimic and motion that of heart surgeries lately. He is sweet to depict things for me visibly. The Grand Healer touched my torn temple and the Grand Weaver stroked my desperate soul simultaneously this evening. A sleepy wound was just aroused in my heart through my mind’s eye view. “Accidently” seen and entertained pictures of his happiness sparked buried memories that reminded me of my lack, stealing my joy almost in a second. Viewing pictures of my past love and his present one sends my heart into haunting nostalgia. These identical cries again remind me of my longing and the gaping hole he left behind. Why me? My finger is empty and my heart is porous. She wears what I once did and has what I once had.

However, rebuking lie and demanding truth in the inner parts, I lifted my eyes though they were heavy. I longed to destroy every speculation that raised itself against the knowledge of You and our union. Though I shed familiar tears last night, He wiped them away with familiar Hands. I knew He heard me. My prayer was “Rescue me from the pending questions and “what ifs” I so easily ask, for they are merely wasteful speculations that accomplish nothing but theft. They steal all that I know to be true.” So I begged and pleaded all in a moment’s notice for Him to take captivate my thoughts on truth in obedience to Himself. “Destroy all that rises against You, against us, my God. Put my mind in prison to you that it might know freedom from him”, I internally screamed. At those crossroads of “remember when” or “praising now”, I turned to Jesus in Praise, anyway. With little spirituality and no magic phrasing, I simply called upon the only name I knew, asking for revelation in power, in prose, and in presence. Not only did I call, but I opened all that I have ever known as a vault of safety and balm, the Word. Then to my devotional books, which have become a refuge to me in ache, I escaped.

This is the small account of His response to my impulsive reaction. He has a way of turning my winter into spring with one word in one minute. He could and can take the empty tomb of love and roll away the stone, raising it from the dead. Only He can make a beautiful picture out of my broken pieces. “My love story is the hinge on which my ministry will turn”- famous quote at age16 that has marked this 10 year journey thus far. Little did I know the stringent prophecy that innocent proclamation embodied. Neither this hinge would I have secured or this story would I have written. But, It is a story without a conclusion as of yet… it is one with continuation still. It seems to be a continuation of the same theme… But God! Those two words usher in a semi-comfort… But God responded.

In this state of semi-comfort, the head phones went in and my heart escaped upward to the music that sung over me. He quieted me with His love. Jason Upton’s words soothed me and sent me high above my chair. “Call to Me, My beloved, come up here to Me…” Then my mind recalled a previous Word spoken to me through I Pet 5:9-10. This verse beautifully haunted me again from the summer of 2005 when tears were first bottled over this love loss. Here I am four years later… so the same and oh so different. “Perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish” after suffering for a little while is the premise. My “WHILE” seems longer than a little, but I trust you now in the midst of heart ache and brokenness knowing that You are the Grand Weaver. You have penned and woven this. I looked up to my Lord. ‘Please kindle this suffering of a broken heart and ending love into that of a flame that it might perfect me through love, confirm in love, strengthen me for love, and establish me to love.’ LOVE! That theme, oh that theme! It is the signature that is signed on every scar and every crown I bare. It has brought such defeat yet victory in my life. Another song rang into my ears at that moment “I was made to love and be loved by You.” Wow! How perfectly timed He spoke and sung to me. His word came alive again “… for the Lord will be your everlasting light and the days of your mourning will be ended.” Another translation said “your God will be your beauty… the days of your mourning will be finished”. YES!

That word, Finished [Shalam] meaning to be whole, sound, safe, to be complete, and to be restored. It is an attitude of the heart with the principal meaning of completion and fulfillment. It is the desirable state of wholeness in which relationships ( of love) are restored. WOW! That was my groaning. He said it better than I could. ‘Thank you for interceding for and through me with words beyond my own comprehension through that of Your Word’. I claimed that Word and Hope and Promise. I clung tight to Him! As you read this, cling tight even now while He might be found. Wherever you are in your thought life, cling tight to the confidence that you have in Him. My mind then wondered from pity to pastures as I thought on Ps 23. The Lord is my Shepherd, I will not want. He restores/finishes my soul!

The night season with Him was coming to an end, for sleep was creeping upon me, when I read Ez. 34:16 “ I will seek what was lost (companionship) and bring back what was driven away (marital love), bind up the broken (the body) and strengthen what was sick (my faith).” I claimed that promise over every area parenthetically. He is the Grand Weaver, not a Waster. He does not waste but recycles all wounds of death into wombs of life. My tomb became a womb last night and hope was resurrected for what I again believe by faith through the act of Praise. Numbers 21:17 “Spring up O well, sing unto it”. Praise is the gateway to blessing despite feeling or sight. Praise unleashes faith! I praised Him anyway. I praised Him for that him and that union excluding me. I praised Him for my coming him and that I was not taken. With ache but genuine praise, I appreciated not being chosen or given away YET. The only Him in my life rode into the room for certain rescue! Praise never loses its savory affect on pain. It sweetens it in the stillness of starlight. Praise still opens fountains in the desert of barrenness. The Barren land of Longing was and will be turned into fields of Fruited Harvest because of the Living waters rushing through her. Rivers of blessing have flowed throughout this entire life and story of mine. I must dig deep into my abandoned but awakened heart and find the river flowing beneath. A river of faithfulness and hope and plans beyond that of my own making rush fast by me as I recount the Truth! “No eye has seen or ear heard all that You have in store, laid up for me, who love You.” My shovel to dig down into the depths of my shaking heart is that of Praise! I thanked Him anyway. Trails are blessings in disguise.

The lullaby hushing me to sleep was, “Sarah, are you willing and daring to praise Me in advance for the things that have not yet come and for the things that have passed? You have been passed over not passed by. Praise Me now for your faceless nameless but existing husband. Praise Me now for the previous and present journey, for it IS GOING SOMEWHERE. Praise Me that there are no “dead ends” where I drive. All can be and will be resurrected. Praise Me in the sweetness of this starlight tonight! When I was with my Daddy my innocence was restored and only sweetness lingered in every gaping but closing hole.

For truly He instructed me in the night season and laid me to rest with speculations crucified and hopes resurrected…
Thank you for my physical ailments that paved the way for my spiritual alignments tonight!

There is a divine imagination, give it wings for its needing aviation.
Every little hope I’m holding inside, in Him tonight I sweetly confide.
In my eye He has given a gleam, for He’s birthed my dream.
Before seeds become fruit there was planted vision. The planting now beckons the shower of His wisdom.
I’ve waited, I’ve prayed, I’ve dreamed up to the sky, now my soul begins to fly…
My dark season’s night is met now with His sweetness in starlight.
He’ll tear down the walls, walk where I cannot, roll away the stones, and untie every painful knot.
I know the dream will fly with wings beyond imagination for He is the fueling aviation.
Listening to His voice, sparks ignite; letting Him remove my weakness, replacing it with might.
My dark season’s night is met now with His sweetness in starlight.
Now my spirit is lifted high, for the gleam has returned in my eye.
My soul ascends on the wings of our dream and begins to fly.

Catalyst

2009-04-29T10:57:00.000-04:00

Catalyst: something that causes an important event to happen...

Well in LA this last week at the first ever WEST COAST CATALYST! It was a something that caused an important event to happen. A catalyst for hope, movement, change, and risky passion in me for the future ahead of me. I was honored to share a row with excitable women that desire God! We truly did sense His presence, His truth, and His guidance. The speakers were incredible, the company was rich, and lessons were learned! I sat much and now am soaking often in all that was taught. I am feasting still! Taste and See that the Lord is good! I am tasting little bites of Him as I sift through so much activity in my heart and life currently.God has a way of engaging us in the story He is unfolding. He engaged me 10 years ago by calling my name at ONEDAY. He engaged 5 years ago through breaking my name through ONE man. He engaged me 2 years ago with ONE long sitting in His word for 5 months in Austria. He engaged me 1 year ago to leave a job and journey towards a passion. He engaged me yet again a matter of days ago as I marinated in the Catalyst Conference.

So much momentum, so many thoughts, a myriad of dreams, and a mighty God in front of me. Thank you Catalyst for being just that- something that caused and still is causing an important event to take place in my heart, through my life, and for my future!

Here are the nibbles from the LA Feast:

-Retreat back to the vision in times of uncertainty in order to never let uncertain times rival clear vision. God- grant me Your clear vision despite uncertainty.

-Be more interested in God developing you than man discovering you. Lord I pray for you to continue to develop me in this journey of life and guard from the illusion of being “ discovered” by man or ministry.

-Hedge of protection is around us! You tube Tim Hawkins... Hilarious!

-John 6- the spirit brings life and the flesh accomplishes nothing. Apart from YOUR SPIRIT Lord I can do nothing, know nothing, and be nothing. I wasreminded of what passionately and simply LOVING Jesus looks like as we abide in and on His Spirit for everything!

-Divert Daily; Withdraw Weekly, Abandon Annually. Oh what an escape LA was for me! May we all never be too busy to divert, withdraw, and abandon unto our King in the midst of life's noise…

-Leave everything behind in order to gain everything ahead! Pressing on, MOVING forward to the upward CALL of God in Christ Jesus on my Life. Sometimes God puts us in prison to truly set us free!

-Come along side of others and enable their visions and dreams- yours will explode as a by-product! Awaken many and remain eyes wide open to look for opportunities to be a catalyst of other people’s dreams. This is my desire and my destiny- to awaken and accomplish the dreams of many women!

-EZ 37- One of my favorite passages of scripture in the Old Test!!!!! Breathe your Breath Oh God on all that seems like dry bones… YOU can do this! He who is able to do beyond what I can ask...Eph 3:20

-Being a LINE 3 believer- move past benefiting from the gospel through contributing in the gospel to sacrificing for the gospel!!! Knowing Christ, not about Him, is the Gospel of Good news that shods our feet with Peace…

-Movement forward engages God. The levitical priests tip toed into the River Jordan before the raging waters moved.

-The Church is not safe but dangerous- or at least it should be a dangerous movement of people who actually believe who He is and what He says! Our message is one of power and a sound mind not tossed by this Life's definitions of Christianity or Church.

-Faith is Full Assurance in the Heart and Fear is false evidence appearing real. God replace our fear with faith- the evidence and substance of things unseen yet so realized in hope that we can taste those things!

-Let a hundred flowers blossom around you! Be a blessing to those intended and to those ignored...Be ready to be used by Many and poured out for many-known and unknown. -Do not compare to yourself or think highly of yourself.

-Look in the mirrior of life and see only CHRIST, not failure or success.-Be leary of accepting fault for failures because that would assume your responsibility for successes. It is only in and through Christ that life unfolds or unravels.

Your life is now hidden in Christ! Col 3

Moved,

Sarah

The Beverly Hills of Blessings and Brokenness

2008-07-01T10:40:00.000-04:00

With hours in the airport, prayers on my knees, and 10 bumped flights later, I landed in Hollywood. It was late but I was very awake in heart and mind when my trip began this past Friday. I was longing to be with my Katherine and to minister fresh breath to Lacey, one of my BHAM Bible Study girls. The night commenced with Lacey and I talking in bed and praying for the morning to follow.

I woke up Saturday morning with an divine anticipation to see, hold, and comfort Katherine at UCLA hospital. Lacey dropped me at the front door with flowers, gifts, and scripture in hand. My heart was beating quickly and the tears began to roll swiftly, as my feet made their way into "Katherine's Korner" of the 100 West Building. I was met by sweet Kelly, a dear friend of Katherine and Jay from Bel Air Pres. We shared a hug and sat together while the personal finished bathing and prepping Katty for her day of therapy and visitors. Kelly and I were summoned, not long after we sat, to enter Katherine's room of peace and calm. I walked in and my eyes fell onto my beautiful Katherine. She was gently lying on her back with eyes and mouth wide open, in smile, as she and I locked gazes. The tears came for me, not because of what I saw nessecarily, but of Who I was in the presence of that morning. Jesus was absolutely evident and vivid in her countenance, her room, and her posture. He was holding her up, smiling through her, and communicating loud and clear, even through her silence.

I took my place at her side, where I had been envisioning myself for weeks, grabbed her hand, kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear: "Katty, He is alive in you and well. You are held tightly and called for such a time as this. His story and glory are ringing loud! You are radiant. I know you believe Him and I believe Him with you". She looked at my with her eye and I knew my Katherine was completely present in that moment. With much effort and little assistance with the therapist present in the room, she mustered up my name for the first time. "S-A-R-A-H"! Kelly and I, jumped up and down, dried tears, and looked at one another. 'She is going to recover", we said and celebrated in our hearts. I saw Katherine, or Jesus rather, in her gorgeous blue eyes, her beautiful crooked smile, her simple whispers and her endearing "thumbs up". Katherine Wolf, though in a body out of her control, was absolutely the way I knew her always to be. Her mind and personality are sharp and in tact. She has kept her fantastic sense of humor and Southern Charm even in this testing period. She is known as a lady in the hospital because of her polite bedside manners and quiet spirit. I stood in awe of my dear friend and my dear Lord in her. It was breath-taking!

Therapy began immediately and abruptly after my arrival. They let me stay and actually be apart of her therapy sessions in speech, muscle memory, and standing. She is literally proving doctors, therapists, and trainers WRONG on a daily basis. What they say she cant do or wont be able to do for a long time, she does it before they end their sentence. She is making strides in every direction to remove her Trach, re-train her right side, and relive the sensation of walking, eating, and talking. She threw a beach ball to me with BOTH hands. She spoke to me about Sweet Baby James, through hand motions, whispers, and head nods. She laughed and actually "bowed" as we reminensced to the nurses of her 'Ms. Samford' days. She rolled her eyes at her husband, Jay, when he was trying to be funny. She has kept her sense of style fashion undistrubed and her spirit of faith remaines unwavering!! With her yellow shirt, beautiful blue eyes, and a fashion ring on her hand, we experienced therapy and milestones together almost every hour! In exhaustion, after much activity and handling, she is lowered back down into her wheel chair and taken back to bed. Her frail little body was hoisted back into the comfortable flat back position as I nuzzled next to her, ready to watch the DVD I made in her honor. Phil Whickam's "Divine Romance" began to sing throughout her room as tears rolled down her face and the video started. It was so moving! Words are unworthy to describe that moment for me. As I stroked her arm and gripped her hand, she pointed to her heart, looked at me and said, " I believe Him". I cried, " I know", in return. Scripture verses and peoples voices from Samford and Birmingham flooded the TV screen and her sunlit room. It was a divine moment. God rushed over me in a loud tangible peace with, 'SHE WILL ARISE AND HEAL". " Sarah, I will restore health to her and I will heal her of all wounds!" Jeremiah 30:17 "I will sustain her on her bed of illness and in her sickness, I will restore her to health, Sarah!" Psalm 41:3

As the weekend drew to a close, I spent more hours in the hospital with her and Jay, hearing the story, laughing over memories, and looking, with hope and praise, towards the coming days. In between prayerful times with them, I poured life into Lacey, enjoyed the minstry of Mosaic Church, ate at THE IVY Restauarant, and spotted "the famous" on corners. Throughout all these memorable moments, nothing could rival the divine moment that had taken place and continued to in my heart...

Jesus Christ has the name above every other name! Jesus, not Paris Hilton ( whom I had lunch next to) is the only Name worth knowing and shouting from every corner. Jesus Christ is the Famous One! Jesus Christ is the Healer of the broken, which leaves no one left out. Katherine, me, the Who's Who of Beverly Hills are all broken people in our own way, that need a Savior, a Healer, and a very Present Help in times of need! He hears our hearts and hems our holes. Katherine Wolf is one with Christ and ALIVE in Him! She is ringing louder than those on TV in LA, with whom she once did life with, because of WHOM she believes! We know WHOM we have believed and are persuaded that He is able! II Tim 1:12 She is more alive now than ever before. There is a difference in merely living life and being ALIVE! Those who are in Christ can no longer simply "live" and exist but are invited to be ALIVE. He is our Life! Katherine exemplifies this and believes this. I experience this and believe it with her, as well. If only Beverly Hills knew the Blessings we know, see, and believe in Jesus! Katherine is unfolding before our very eyes. He is real. He is alive. So is she...

I boarded the midnight plane EARLY Monday morning with a visual image that I will never "get over"... Katherine's precious lips mouthing as best she could, " Thank you. I believe Him. "

Do you?

Fear of From

2008-06-03T10:21:00.000-04:00

My heart awakened to a truth last night as I thumbed the pages of journals past and scriptures present. My journals from seasons of old can sometimes invite me to fear what was then and to wonder about what is now. However, The scripture invites and enables and demands that we "take all thoughts captive unto the obedience of Christ". (II Cor) What do "captivated thoughts" resemble? The thoughts of our past, holding fast to the fact that Christ works all things to the good of those who love. (Rom 8) The thoughts of our currency, that Christ is with us now and will never abandon His abiding presence in us. (Jh 15) The thoughts of our future, clinging to our unchanging God who states with His charcater and supplies in our circumstances, a "future and a hope without harm". (Jer 29)
However, the battle of the mind that can rage, keeps us from this very state of peace, if it goes undefeated. The enemy's weapon is that of fear. Fear is the disabler of such a blissful state of thought. The fear of where we come from can be paralyzing if allowed to captivate our thoughts! Fear is the grand stealer of the moments' beauty and the futures' joys. It is the signature of the enemy that longs to erase the fingerprints of the Father.
Sometimes, it is beyond simple to fear the previous chapters of my story and therefore fear the coming ones. In doing so, I allow fear of ifs to rob me the truths of Him! Fear is underestimated as only an action, but it can be a powerful state of mind that stands in complete opposition against our Lord. The "innocent" first entertainment of fear on where I have come from, can before long, spiral into a way of relating to God and others. How can anyone recieve my broken story? How could God's goodness allow such a wrecked image? It removes the knowledge and proven experience of His character and it mars the view of love and community. Fear makes it possible and probable to stand with closed arms and questioning eyes at the stories and "baggage" of those we rub hearts with throughout life's journey. How can I accept their brokenness (yet expect then to carry mine)? How can I open up and recieve their apparent abrasions (but long for them to heal my hidden holes)? Fear is the grand stealer of God's artwork in our life story and community with other life stories.
We are all broken and have all " come from" something or someone, but we are all going towards Someone as well. That is the common denominator known as Hope. It is this hope found in Phil 3:12-14 that has raptured my heart recently. The hope that invites me to "forget", not fear, what lies behind, and move forward to all that lies ahead! The only way this Hope is possible and present to me, is if I reckon that my only Hope is Christ IN ME ALONE! (Col 1)He was in my past. He is in my moment. He will be my future. Wow! This state of mind leaves no room for fear or regret, because everything works for the good of those who truly love Him with all their heart, their mind, their strength or lack therefore, and their soul! Let us not fear the from where we come but anticipate toward the ahead where we are going; or should I say where He is taking us! To God be all the glory for the past, the present and the future! Amen...

Unexpected Turns...

2007-07-02T16:27:00.000-04:00

Hey…

It has been a while since I have written. So, I thought it was time and wise to write once again. Well, it has been a packed and very busy last few months. I have spent much time with friends, rehabbing my knee, hosting house guests, bible studies, attending weddings, sitting at my desk, traveling to Atlanta, planning parties for work, and organizing the rest of the summer schedule. My job is dull at the moment but where I need to be during this season. I am just merely grateful for insurance and benefits! My knee is doing better and better with time and training. I am exercising regulating and working hard to build all my muscles back. Thanks for your concern and prayers about my knee and health.

On a more specific relational note, I have been submerged in the Word and in the counsel of many dear friends and mentors for the last week and half. Ps. 56:8 says that the Lord bottles all our tears. He has definitely brought and bottled my tears as of late. He wounds but He heals says Hos. 6. Right now, my heart is truly writing from a place of progressive healing and with a smile and strength as mentioned in Prv.31:25. Rob drove up from the beach on Sunday June 24 and ended everything in our relationship. He said that over time he really felt that we were not heading in the same direction. I cannot begin to tell you the love and respect I have for him as my best friend. He was honoring, sincere, humble, and sympathetic. We shared tears and hugs for a while. I was in complete submission and agreement with him and Him that day! We prayed together through the scriptures verses in Daily Light that day that were literally penned for us! They were amazing. God truly was making this decision, not Rob and not I. Listen to the verses we both had read that morning before we met and notice the fingerprints of Divine activity even over this very difficult turn in our journey:

“The Ark of the covenant of the Lord went before them searching out a resting place for them. My times are in Your hand. He will choose our inheritance for us. Lead me O Lord in your righteousness and make Your way straight before my face. Commit your way to the Lord, trust ALSO in Him, and He shall bring IT to pass. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Your ears will hear a word behind you saying, ‘ this is the way walk in it’ whenever you TURN to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads be beside the still waters. As a father pities his children so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. Cast all your care upon Him for He cares for you. He led them forth by the right way…”

AMAZING and ALIVE were those words to us that day as we wept and prayed and held one another! Wow… God truly has brought comfort to me as I have read these countless times now. Rest was lacking in my heart for a while concerning marriage. I had tastes of Rest but not feasts of Rest about Rob as my One. The Lord is searching out and was then a resting place for me that would be consistent and complete and certain. My times and Rob’s times and our directions are in His hands, not our own. Rob did not choose this journey or this future, He did. Our inheritance and what is eventually to come is His doing and of His choosing. Painful yet powerful. Terrifying but True. Fearful but Freeing…. My future is the Lords to direct and plan not mine to dictate and pursue. You have no idea how hard it is to write that and harder even to realize that and behave in a way that shows I believe that! He promises to teach me His ways and to lead me in the straight pathway. He promises me to show me the direction and then to walk it for me! Rob and I did commit each other and our relationship from the very beginning to the Lord and His glory… however trusting in Him ALSO is in addition to that. I can honestly say that neither one of us completely and securely leaned and trusted upon the Lord. Rob was trying to lead and love and I was trying to submit and surrender to him. It was us trying and us changing and us making things happen... verses living out the realities of grace to one another, because He is in control. He will be the only reason we live, love, respect, surrender, and submit one day to someone. It is a supernatural work of the Spirit not a great human intention of our hearts…. I am praying this way now and asking forgiveness of the Lord for being so full of fear of man, self efforts, arrogance, defensiveness, and bold strength instead of vulnerable strength.

We heard the voice of the Lord in our hearts that day saying THIS IS THE WAY WALK IN IT, even through hand holds and tears, we heard Him communicate that. Oh the pain was ever present with His voice though. There have been many turns in my journey and honestly more turns than straights…. But I must continue to believe Him and trust Him for my future and from my past. He holds both just as real as He holds my present. I cannot focus on my future or ponder my past patterns. I want to learn His lessons and leverage all this for His greater purpose. He is my Shepherd and Rob’s. We are being lead now to places of stillness and resting pastures, though we are separate and single. Rob is sitting and basking in His pasture as am I. I do not want and have confessed any and all self pity… I want the Lord’s pity! I long to fear Him more than image, man, or marriage… and He pities those who fear Him. Fearing the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom… Oh wisdom and discernment was granted that day and needs to be allotted still! I am frail and weary. I am tired and broken. I am hurting and stilled. I am humbled and needy. I am dust. He knows my frame and knows I am nothing but dust. He knows who I need and what I need and when I need it. He knows the sanctification and purification that is taking place and has long needed to in this little girl. Jesus knows I need “all these things” and only He can be the source of those things to me. I am casting my cares and questions upon Him… literally moment by moment… because like Peter said in John, “Lord, to whom else do I have to go?”. There is no other option for me than to run towards and cry on my Father. I cherish and respect Rob’s obedience in driving and saying all he did. I love him dearly. Pray for him. Pray for me. Pray for “us”. He is still one of my best friends, even though we are not sure how that will play out and what that can look like right now.

Pray against loneliness but not against pain. Pray against self pity but not against facing self purging. Pray against despair but not against disappointments. Pray against mental battles and questions but not against memories. Pray for truth to wash me. Pray for wholeness to find me. Pray for continued clothing of strength and dignity as Prov. 31:25 states. I long to laugh and smile at my future… not plan it or fear it. Only a woman that is secure in His love and His plans can let go of all she dreams and all loves and laugh at her future! “For I know the plans I have for you Sarah…declares my Lord.” Thank you for lifting me up and using your mustard seeds of faith to move the mountain ranges of emotions and tribulations ahead. To God be the glory great things He has done and will do and is doing!!!!

I do believe Lord, Help my unbelief! Mark 9:24

“I was brought low and He saved me. Thus far the Lord has helped me.” Blessed be name of the Lord, You give and take away but my heart will choose to say AGAIN blessed be name of the Lord. It is not about my name now or what my married name may be… it never was supposed to be about that.. it has always been about blessing His name. Oh that His name would mean more to me than a diamond ring and a new last name. Please Lord make your name worth more than anything.” He has heard the voice of my supplications as I have cried and meditated upon my bed! The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song (even sacrifices of praise) I will yet Praise Him!!!!” PS. 116:6; Ps.28:6

He Himself is my Peace. Eph 2:14

Spring Time!

2006-04-09T11:48:00.000-04:00

I love the Spring after winter. The Lord is so thoughtful and purposeful in creating the seasons of life in the timeline, He did. I dont think I would apprciate the life of spring as much if it didnt follow the death of winter. The flowers' blooms and smells. The skys' hues and shapes. The earth's colors and growth. My own heart's awakenness to "New Life". I was studying this morning over coffee and came across this verse. "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along. For BE-hold(stay upon; mediate in; grab hard to) the winter is past( the same word for passing through the red sea and over the jordan river; denoting movement and transportation from one to another; disappearance of what is behind and visible direction to what is ahead) and the rain is over and gone. The flowers have already appeared(shown themselves and caused themselves to be seen doing their purpose) in the land; The time has arrived for pruning (singing) the vines.." How precious are those Words. The Bible is so specific and directed in how it teaches and exhorts us. My mind is reminded of Zeph 3:17 as well, "The Lord your God is in your midst; A victorious warrior. He will exult (sing, over joyed with, same word is used to described the excitement and passion of a Groom for his bride) over you with joy, He will be quiet in (renew you) in His love, He will rejoice OVER you with SHOUTS (not whispers) of joy." That warms my heart as this sun does my face. Wow.... I notice that He is in my midst admist spring time. One of His names is the DaySpring of Life... that is so what this season is for me. He is springing up new days for me. He is my Day-spring! I love the spring! Let us forget what has been wintered behind and let us press on into the aroma of new life and spring up as new creations, blooming in their purpose as do the visible flowers.

Two's Company

2006-03-06T23:11:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the sweetest moments that spark a smile are the smallest surprises that are otherwise overlooked or excused. I was home this weekend with my family. I had gone upstairs to be domestic...you know, laundry folding, vaccuming, and cleaning the bathroom... the typical critera. I was perched neatly on my knees in front of the dryer surrounded by warm clothes in piles, when my daddy walks up the stairs. I love hearing the movement of people around me. I know I am not alone. We began chatting briefly as we swiftly passed by the "woman's room" where I was folding. Then, as if there was a 6th sense to linger, he stopped and stooped down to me. Without a word, daddy began to fold with me. Unasked, unintentionally uninvited, and unmerited...he just wanted to be with me.The key phrase being "with me".

Things, whether extraordinary or completely average and expected in a given day, take on a surprising and fulfilling element when accomplished "with" another. I then began to teach my dad, who has been my teacher in all life's complexities, the simplicities of properly (according to Martha) folding a T-shirt. He was astonished and adorably amused at the technique and the speed that I was doing his shirts. He wanted to learn. We both were laughing, smiling, and folding those shirts in a matter of seconds. A job that I could do alone and was doing so... just took on a new diminsion. That little unexpected moment in the hallway gave me a smile that went deeper than my face. It was great to teach my teacher something simple yet valuable. It was even more great to see the Teacher in that "two's company" moment. The little normal task became marked with joy that seemed too lofty for such an experience... yet it perfectly folded right into it.

My dad and I proceeded to actually re-organize his entire armoire that night with the new technique that he had never known. It was hilarious! We raced at folding and chuckled at each other. It was a sweet father- daughter bonding moment that milestoned a truth for me. "Two IS better than one" as the Bible states so eloquently. Marriage would not be if it were not but for 2. A child would not be if it were not but for 2. Life is done better and with more fulfillment in EVERY task when it is done by Two. Look for opportunities to be Dependent with, not nessecarily on, someone. Folding laundry and organizing took on a whole new meaning when it was done with my Daddy! Oh that we would not be so pridefully "seperate" and "sufficient" and in turn miss daily surprises that are packaged along with someone. "Enlighten the eyes of my heart, Lord, that I might see You..." (Eph. 1)

Blessed New Year!

2006-01-07T21:16:00.000-05:00

Truly, every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or unreliability. The Lord blessed my family with the awesome opportunity to ski in the New Year in Crested Butte, Colorado. This was an extra special surprising gift, as Crested Butte was the original place my brother and I learned to ski. We had a blast! The weather was crisp and perfect, except for the blizzard on Tuesday. The snow was at least 4 packed feet at the base of the mountain with flurries and flakes during the day. We skied all day and did not have to ski the same run twice. It was exhilarating!

As I skied up and down and tranversed side ways, my mind recalled a spiritual truth. "Wash me, Lord, and I will be whiter than snow." (Ps.51: 7) "Come now, let us reason together, says our Lord, though your sins be like scarlet, they will be (and are) as white as snow." (Is 1:18) I love how simply the Lord talks about such profound topics as salvation and sanctification. He makes the beautiful pictural analogy between our new natures in Christ and the whitest element, snow. As I floated on top of the snow, it glimmered in the sunlight, almost blinding my eyes. It was so white and bright, when it was relflecting the sun. You see, we are most bright and "glorfied" when we are reflecting the purity and glory of the Son! It is amazing, that our Infinite God uses finite things in order to speak to our hearts. My blood demanding scarlet sins were made whiter than snow even, when I first believed in and received Jesus Christ. He is continuing to make us purer and brighter through the "express image of His person"... "for with an unveiled face, as beholding in a mirror, we are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory." (I Cor.3:18) " And "when Christ, who is our life, is revealed, we also will be revealed with Him in glory." (Col. 3:3)

When my profound Father teaches me so simply of His ways as He promises to do in Ps.25, I stand awed. I can never look at or ski in snow the same way again... for just as it is the definition of pure white so am I viewed as whiter still, through the eyes of snow's Creator! Oh how I love Him and His ways with me... May He laden our hearts with lessons like this all year long and sharpen our eyes to find His supernatural in the natural!

The Eve of Surprise

2005-12-25T00:32:00.001-05:00

Isnt the element of surprise and wonder amazing.. almost magical. Or shall we say supernatural! It is really the eve of the surprise that is so wonderful... the anticipation, the dreaming, the thoughts that play... God is the Father of this continuing gift of surprise. Life is full of it, love seems to be marked by it, and Christ invented it! Christmas Eve night is the topper of all! It is so glorious and serene feeling. Sipping cider in wine glasses by out fire and letting mom and dad open all their gifts follows our 5 Star steak dinner. Cappy, our precious pup, helps in the unwrapping as he eagerly awaits the next paper to rip or box to grab. There is such simplicity and sweetness to this season. Yet all the tree, tea cups brimming, and tree trappings would not exist had it not been for my sin and my Savior. There is no Birthday party nor Going away party that beats that of Jesus Christ. We celebrate His birth, but we also remember His last supper with His disciples, illuminating the reasons behind the baby in a manager. He came to die that I might live. Oh the wonder of Christmas... the wonder of Him.

A supernatural wonderous joy flows from genuine hearts, and my family is no exception. I am so blessed with the family I call "mine". They are the greatest Christmas gift and yes, surprise. They continue to surprise me through the years, because the older I get the wiser I view them and love them for who they are, not for what they can do for me. The childness that Christmas evokes is healthy and beautiful. I love the traditions and memories that makes all my Christmas stories awe filled! The waffle smells tomorrow morning along side the crackling fire. The perfect set table with coffee mugs and matching plates. The Steve Greene Christmas album ringing loud on the surround sound as our alarm clock tomorrow morning. My brother and I will creep, fully awake, down the stairs just like we did when we were of crawling age, and be greeted with lights, music, and The Gifts! The couch is mine every year gift wrapped itself in presents, and Seth gets the chairs! It is marvelous. The element of surprise as to what is under the shiny and shimmery papers! The element that is in this eve as we await the morning. I love mornings, but Christmas tops them all. As all the wrapping paper paints the floor, gasps fill the room, and hugs mark and unopened gift.... my stunned heart cries every year!

My heart cries "HOLY"... "what am I that You would even let me share the spotlight, by giftings, in the season when this is ALL about You"! My heart cries grattitude and overwhelming humility. How could You love me to provide now but even more so provide over 2000 years ago? Muslims know no exaltation and wonderment. Buddahist speak none of joyful surprises found inside or paralyzing grattitude found outside such a Loving Active Savior. Christianity defines Christmas...declares Christ's reality....describes Life's meaning...depicts love and otherness....and demands attention. And it is the very attention of Christmas that is forcefully exiting people's minds. In certain parts, no carols, no "christmas" break, definitely no "merry christmas", no anything with CHRISTmas...Now, our Christmas is under scrutinzing eyes and unbelieving hearts. However, they will never be able to steal our memories, sabatoge our traditions, or silence The Truth of Christmas! Merry Christmas to all on this Eve..... Let His surprises come great and small! For Truly the greatest Surprise of all came in the Smallest package on an eve in Bethlehem...will we open (up to) Him this year?!

Divine Simplicity

2005-12-11T20:47:00.003-05:00

"The mundane little happenings in life mark it with Grace and Glory", has been recorded in my head but found more recently true of my heart! I find Him in the smallest or common overlook...and it fulfills voids that I did not know were present. Practicing His presence admist what others find expected, common, normal, or ordinary...is exactly the secret to never knowing a dull moment.

So..sit back, simmer down, and stew over the Simple: the smell of coffee brewing, a cup of that coffee by a fire, a world of color and changing temperatures, fabrics that all feel different, the ability to design a meal and the gift to eat it, old leather chairs that tell a story, lines in a freshly mowed lawn, chips and dip, vaccuming, slippers,home libraries, candel light in daytime, cheaper gas across the street, King sized comforter on a twin bed,rough skin turned soft with a miracle called chapstick, hardwood floors that echo footsteps of company, the meaning of having a true friend, clocks-they anticipate future fun, snooze button-it prolongs wearied waking, mom's voice, daddy's hug, answered prayer-even giving us our daily bread every day...He really does it, anything puppies-their feet, breath, run, scarfs, big ceral spoons and deep bowls, dishes in general, the perfectly sharpened pencil that never breaks, the first day of life and the last, people watching, the sound of wheels hitting a runway, fireworks, the way the muscles move on top of your hand, hot showers with a cold rinse, biscuits, an old mattress, good feta cheese, cold crisp apple, the first spoonful of peanut butter from a new jar, tummy laughter, chipmunks, handwritten letters, a good massage, blinking, sleeping in a cold house with a heating pad, oversized sweatshirts, the flip flop noise, the sound of typing, seat warmers,the ability to record the random, a new day, the reality that Life is more than the seen...the Extraordinare that we cannot see makes this life's "seeables" glorious....add more to this list as you take note of all that is around you...it is endless, priceless, timeless...it is all simplicity originating from divinity! Fix your hope on "God, who richly supplies us with ALL things to enjoy!" I Tim.6:17

Remembering the Forgotten

2005-12-03T17:48:00.000-05:00

It is astounding at how many prayers I forget I spoke and how many more I forget He has remembered! Truly, every time we pray He not only hears, but records. What an amazing Ear we have in Him. He listens, remembers, records, sifts, and answers our prayers with His precise faithfulness and technique. I was sitting on a plane overlooking the sunset, just dreaming to Him. He brought to memory prayers I had once only pondered and presented to Him. It encited me to remember those prayers and raise up praise for His answers. At that moment, the verse, "He inhabits the praise of His people" took on knew meaning. As I remembered in my mind what He was reminding in my heart, I began to praise Him! With the rememberance of those past prayers, I could see Him presently alive in my life to utterly praise Him for His answers. He instigated my memory and inhabited my praise! Jog my memory, Lord, of what has been a running record to You all these years.

Whispered Words

2005-11-30T22:11:00.002-05:00

I am learning much of the voice of God. It is not the tonality of Him as it is the tenacity of Him. He speaks to me through anything, anyone all the time. He wrote the first written word and created the first correspondence. Would He not always be speaking then? It is the opened ear, the ready heart, and the enlightened eye that can find Him and His sweet voice. His voice patiently whispers to me some days and intensely directs on others. However, He speaks. He talks to my heart not to my head. He speaks to my spirit not intelligence. Though He uses the mind, the rational, and the emotions to show me His will and way, it is truly His Word that whispers. He enlivens it daily. He defines it nightly. God is a perfect communicator. I love when He not only speaks direction, but listens to my heart's words, sometimes groans. The most powerful Lover, the most precise Communicator, and the perfect Lover...this is the Man that talks to me. Why should He even communicate with me at all? Dare I not communicate back? The most simple, yet overlooked way of communicating, is listening. Though many call my name and a myrid of voices I hear...it is Him I listen to and locate in my friends. He affirms His love for me through the voice of someone dear and close. One of his many voices in my life can be defined as the trusted faces and friends that I call "mine". Thank you friends for speaking your heart to my heart. Even more than that, for speaking His heart every time. As His Words, through their many voices, continue to speak... may I remain hearing. "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening". Why should He even communicate with me at all? Dare I not communicate back? The most simple, yet overlooked way of communicating, is listening.

In memory of Me

2005-11-27T10:02:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving for me embodies food,yes, but mainly rememberance. Remembering the 'deeds of old that His hand has done' echoing the words of David, the God hearted man. Remembering His involvement, daily salvation, and glorious whispers to me. Truly He has provoked tears of joy and bottled tears of pain this past year. With every growing year so does my understanding and love of His ways grow. Psalm 25 asks the Lord to teach me His ways, not just a distant existance. It is more than knowledge of Him, but it is actually a deepening of experiencing His ways. His ways of loving depsite an unlovable human. His ways of intervening inspite of myself. Oh I love food, but I need His ways more. In fact He told me that I cannot live on bread/good food alone, but must devour the very Word of God with my appetite. So with every morsel of the good food, well great food here at the Ott household, my memory was marked with the Man. The Man who deserves and defines "Thanksgiving". Not just the season, but the lifestyle called "thanksgiving". Interesting, every time we eat and enjoy we are "to do this in rememberance of Me". That Me of God trumps this me in my tummy. I do not want to be mindful of me, but have a mind FULL of Him. Jogging my memory of His greatness and goodness is a running theme of my life, that God started all ago. May I never stop eating, enjoying, remembering, and thanking Jesus Christ simply for who He is!

The Crossroom

2005-11-23T22:13:00.000-05:00

I am learning much of childness in faith. Teaching preschool is taking me to preschool. How daunting life can be when it is braved with my own efforts and my own faith strength. These precious children have their whole lives ahead of them. Heartaches,football try outs, best friendships, first kiss, travels, college life, love, dreams, and careers of choice. They know no other way to approach life than with reckless abandon and excitement. They have no idea and joys and sorrows that await them in this world. Neither did I. But my Father did before I was born. When I was yet unmade, He fashioned all my days, the good and bad ones. He knew all the tears of pain and tears of joy that this little girl would cry. What a comfort it is to know that "it is not in a man to direct his own steps"... for truly "the steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord". Though I never thought I would be teaching preschool right now, nor would I have ever thought I would be back in preschool learning "christianity" as life not principles....it was fashioned this way by Him. I would have it no other way. My children walk into my classroom daily just as I walk into my crossroom with my Teacher daily. It is sweet and intimate to let Him break and teach me all over again with His school of choice.